Not a YouTube Girl

I admit that I watch YouTube videos that are clearly not intended for my age group. Being 29 (wow, I'll be 30 in just a little over a month!) doesn't stop me from watching videos made by girls who are in the late high school and early college age group. So many are posting back-to-school hauls and tips, and I'm such a sucker for back to school supplies. It's as if a whole new world of possibilities is in my grasp when I have the news pens I like or the binder in the prettiest print imaginable. That's really why I spent so many years as a teacher; I get to have an excuse to buy school supplies. Haha, I'm kidding. It's for the kids. Well, 80% kids, 10% school supplies, 10% summer vacation. That's a fair distribution, wouldn't you say?

Once I finish watching a back to school video, I tend to click to see if there's anything else interesting to watch. At times they're the best videos to have on while crafting because it's something new without actually requiring my full attention. It's either that or Top Chef. Again. I've played all 11 seasons many times through that sometimes I feel as if I need to apologize to Howard because he'll come home and hear Padma's voice before he even hears mine. I'm sure that he appreciates that I watch all the girly videos when I'm by myself though!

Apparently filming one's daily routine or how to get ready in the morning is a major thing and a rite of passage on the road to becoming a YouTube celebrity. I sometimes wonder if I would feel pressured thinking I had to be such a complicated girl if I were a teenager in this generation. Having recently read through some of my journal entries from high school, I feel as if I would be even more of an outcast had I been a 14-year old in 2014. Today in particular, I was baffled to see that one girl's "lazy day morning routine" was more complex than my regular morning routine when I'm going to work or church! I mean, in all honesty, there were more steps in her list of things to do for her face than I do when I'm attending a wedding! Even for my cousin's wedding! Or my brother's wedding! My own wedding is a whole different story for another day, haha.

Despite the simplicity of my face (haha, or head) routine for the days I actually leave the apartment, I still wake up really early to get ready. Putting in contacts, brushing my teeth, washing my face, applying lotion, putting on eyeliner, and brushing on some translucent powder to avoid my face turning into an oil slick really don't take that much time. But I need to be awake to give myself plenty of time in the unfortunate instance of having stomach issues. It doesn't seem as if many of those girls have issues like that based on what I can see.

I watch them on YouTube and examine how they apply foundation and concealer under their eyes to brighten it, and I think, "It's a good day when I don't poke my eye accidentally when applying eyeliner!" Hairstyle tutorials tend to lure me in too when I see titles like, "No Heat Curls" or "Easy School Day Hairstyles." Then I click on them to watch and immediately close them out because there's really nothing easier than my current hairstyle. The night before, I wash my hair and air dry it for a bit before drying most of it with a hairdryer just so it's comfortable enough for sleeping. I do one French braid so that I don't have to spend time blowing it straight and be cautious about how I sleep. The next morning, I take out the braid and then clip the front portion back so that it's out of my face. Done. Same deal every day. I also only use one clip since I accidentally dropped the other one that came in the set on the floor and broke it. Whoops.

This is my mundane life with my mundane look. I feel surrounded by people (even in church) who know the right way to dress, who carry the expensive bags, who know what's going on in pop culture. And the thing is it's not even like it's a financial issue because if I wanted a Marc Jacobs bag or a Michael Kors bag, I could just buy it.

Wait. Hold up. Scratch that. I just did a Google search to see how much those things cost. Haha. Never mind that last statement because in my couponing mind, there's no justification for a bag that expensive. I'm not knocking anyone who has one, but it's just my personal choice! 

Anyway, I admit that I sometimes walk around feeling a tad bit insecure, that I don't quite fit in certain situations. I can't for the life of me accessorize. My accessories consist of my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and the watch I had to buy so that I'd know how long I had left in each period to teach. I choose clothes based on whether or not I might be too warm or too cold later in the day because I've gotten to the stage of life where the AC can make me uncomfortable. When I purchase tops, my criteria is that I want it to give me the freedom not to have suck in my stomach to make it look flat. They're even more stylish in my eyes if they're located on the clearance racks. For the longest time, even my students pointed out, "V-neck!" because that's what I wore all the time. I've never colored my hair, and I don't intend to unless the whites get wildly out of wing. I mean, hand (hehe). There are times that I wonder if Howard wishes I were a girl who did things to make myself "prettier" according to worldly standards.

And then I realize that even my own mind has been warped by the lies of this world. I may not be one of the girls who wants to look a certain way, but I am clearly being influenced because I think that there's something wrong with me for not wanting it. Why is it so important to look the part? Why am I so consumed with the idea that my "Plain Jane" life is subpar? Why does it matter whether other people think I look acceptable when my husband sees me as beautiful? Instead of the thoughts of this world inundating my mind, shouldn't I be trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Shouldn't I be thinking about how I am viewed by my Heavenly Father?

I know I will probably be struggling with the idea of fitting in this world for the rest of my life. However, I pray that even if that issue is still prevalent for the rest of my days on earth, I will lean more towards figuring out ways as to how I fit in God's kingdom and what I can do for His glory instead of any potential glory I might get for knowing how to make my face appear flawless. I've already been made clean through Jesus' blood; isn't that the best eternal makeover one could have?