Friday, June 20, 2014

"Too Many Feels"

I've mentioned it before, but I am definitely not all up on the current lingo. I have, however, seen how some younger folk (haha) use the phrase "too many feels" to express a lot of emotions or feelings. Well, today was a day where I could totally use those three words even though I would sound completely ridiculous if I said it out loud to anyone but Howard, haha.

I was a bit nervous this morning before the 8th grade graduation since I feel weird at times knowing I'm just a sub at the school and not a full-time teacher. I knew I'd be seeing some students' parents I haven't seen in a while. In actuality, I wasn't really feeling the greatest either, and I knew I'd have to drive all the way to and from school. That compounded the anxiety I was already having.

Then the graduation itself was bittersweet. The montage video of pictures is always touching because the last song used is usually a slower, more meaningful one whereas the beginning ones are more upbeat. When the graduates' picture are shown on the projector, it definitely makes my eyes fill with a few tears. But it gets worse when the class stands up and turns their tassels while facing the audience! Since I still sat in the staff row directly behind the kids, I was right there as two of the girls turned around with tears in their eyes. Then to make it worse, the mom of one of the students was asked to end the ceremony with a prayer, and she was already bawling from the slideshow!

After the ceremony itself, I went to the luncheon. I love getting to spend time with my former colleagues. I sat next to the wife of one of the other teachers who is also the oldest sister of one of my former students. She's currently pregnant with her second child and is due very soon. We got to talking about why I left teaching along with the importance of raising children. I definitely felt a ton of emotions then when I was explaining to her why the job I had at the end of last summer just didn't work out for me. It's really intense when I think or talk about it because it's as if I can make myself experience all the anxiety and tension all over again.

Lastly, when I left school, I stopped by my parents' house to get my mom so that we could visit my grandmother who isn't doing very well. It was a brief visit, but it was so hard seeing her the way she was. With everything that had already occurred in the morning, I was so close to just getting in my car and crying all the way home.

All these "feels" definitely made me a tired girl tonight, and I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning without any alarms! Good night all! Have a wonderful weekend!

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